Raising Dawn

Unexpected Blessings

2010-11-29T11:14:00.000-05:00

So here's where I alienate some people.

I'm a follower of Christ. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion. I wasn't raised in a religious household. My options were open to me, so to speak - I could explore different religions through research, and my father had decided I could follow whatever religion I wanted when I was old enough to decide. (Of course, now that he's heading down the path of Buddhism, and I've pursued Christianity, he's not exactly thrilled with my decision.) When I was pregnant with Aurora, my husband and my mother-in-law took me to a church here in Michigan, called Kensington Community Church. It's a non-denominational church - a megachurch, in fact. It's very contemporary and people like me are its main aim. It aims to bring people who don't know Jesus and find church daunting to a life with Christ. It's very welcoming.

Anyway, Mike and I have been attending the Lake Orion campus of Kensington, and have become rather well-known among quite a few of the attenders and staff, probably because Aurora is just so darn cute. (Probably not, but I do like saying she is... because she is!) People say hi to us, we say hi to them. I love it.

On Friday, six days before Thanksgiving, Mike lost his job.This was very unexpected, and it hit me hard. Mike was extremely optimistic, believing that God would provide. I found it very hard to believe that, although I did try. We both posted about it on Facebook, where we are both friends with one of Kensington Lake Orion's staff members. Sue absolutely rushed into action. We had so many offers of help from so many different people... They told us about the community help manager that could assist us with bills, they told us about job opportunities they'd heard about. They even got a small group to offer to sponsor us for Christmas so we wouldn't have to worry about gifts for Aurora for Christmas. We were so overwhelmed with offers, we didn't even know where to start!

Thankfully, Mike was technically only unemployed for one day, which is nearly unheard of here in Michigan! By Monday evening he had a temporary position through a staffing agency, and by Wednesday evening he was hired at a computer consulting firm. He started that position on Friday, and it was actually a raise over his old job! We had to go through and decline all the offers for help, and believe me, that's always the answer people WANT to hear. We directed the small group to another couple we know who are in a similar situation to what we were in, and the small group was very appreciative to know that we knew another couple that needed help.

Our prayers, and the prayers of all our friends, family, and fellow attenders of Kensington were definitely answered last week. What started out as a hopeless situation (to me, anyway) turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise. I just wish I could have seen it that way from the beginning.

First World Problems

2010-11-17T21:37:00.001-05:00

(note: this post was written initially in notepad, approximately six and half hours prior to this posting.)

Have you ever heard that phrase, "first world problems?" It means, in short, "stop whining and be glad for what you have."

See, I'm sitting here without power at the moment (thank you, laptops!) because the electric company is out here fixing the faulty wiring our condo building has. For most of the morning, all I could think was "ugh, I am so bored. I wish I could listen to music/watch TV/cook lunch/vacuum my floor/whatever that requires power." The temperature has been slowly dropping all day to the point where I'm wearing gloves inside.

As I reached for my gloves, I suddenly realized that I was whining (in my head, really) for no good reason. How many people out there in the world would be absolutely grateful beyond belief to be in my shoes right now? How many people would love to be sitting in a fully-enclosed home, with a roof over their head that doesn't leak? Sure, the furnace isn't kicking on right now, but the cold wind outside wouldn't be cutting through to their very bones. They'd have shelter. Something I take for granted every day.

I think Americans on the whole don't appreciate what we have. (I am most definitely 100% including myself in this.) Most of us are born in families that have a roof over their heads, and food on the table (most of the time, at least.) The thought that we could ever have less never really occurs to us, and then when we have a minor inconvenience happen (for example, the electric company turning off your power for half the day to make your lights stop flickering and your power stop cutting out for a split-second when a major appliance turns on) we whine. Oh goodness, did I whine. Here, let me share with you what I posted on Facebook just about an hour before the scheduled power outage. (That's right, I KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING and I still whined.)

"Okay, DTE - you had better fix the problem we have with the electricity. I'm sick of my power dimming every time a major appliance kicks on/off, and while I'm none too thrilled to not have power for 3 hours (Aurora gets water with her snacks, thank goodness, so I don't HAVE to open the fridge) I'd rather have not-flickering."

I feel kind of ashamed that I even said that now. I have it so, so easy in comparison to so many people in this world, and yet I took it for granted. I still do, in fact. I am incredibly selfish. Horribly selfish. Terrible. It's one of my largest failings. I hate it about myself. Absolutely hate it.

I think I'm going to go sit and think about this some more. The three extra hours without power (ultimately 4 and three-quarters hours) have actually been a good thing, I think. It opened my eyes to something I don't realize about myself often enough.

Dreams

2010-11-15T12:41:00.000-05:00

I'll start this post by making it very clear that I don't often remember my dreams, so I won't really detail any here.

I have odd dreams. If I remember them, anyway. I don't have those dreams often where it's just a normal every day action, something weird always has to happen. For example, when I was in first grade, I had a dream that a robot was trying to change me into a robot. I was terrified of our linen closet for weeks after that dream. In high school, I had a recurring dream that I was about to go on stage and start to play a solo for a performance (I was in the band in school).

A few months after I had the miscarriage, and a few months before I became pregnant with Aurora, I had a dream that I'd had the baby anyway and it had been in the NICU, and when Mike and I went to pick the baby up, I just kind of sat it up in the back seat and buckled it in. It was very out of character for me to not care about a baby, especially one that was my own. That dream disturbed me a bit.

When I was pregnant with Aurora, I had many, many dreams focusing on death, excepting the one where I nursed Baloo. (Baloo is our super-adorable fluffy gray cat, and I highly doubt she would let me nurse her.) I dreamed that people murdered Mike, and then chased the nameless, genderless baby and me down. One particularly terrifying one was brought on by a neighbor chopping down one of their trees with a chainsaw - the murderer in that dream was Jason. I've never even SEEN a Friday the 13th movie. I suppose those fears of death were brought on by the previous miscarriage, because once we had the big ultrasound at about 20 weeks, the dreams stopped. I had just odd dreams after that.

This is a little weird to me because I'm at cycle day 37 of a menstrual cycle that generally only lasts 33 days, and last night I had a dream where Mike, Aurora, and I almost died, and then Mike and I ended up in jail for some reason (and yet, I could keep Aurora with me. Yeah, that's a great place for a toddler.) I woke up feeling generally off. I've also had a few questionable symptoms... It wouldn't be exactly tragic if we were to be expecting a baby again, but we're really not prepared yet. :)

I'm Not Dead, I Promise

2010-11-11T16:35:00.000-05:00

Like the title says: Really, I'm not dead. I just kind of had life sneak up on me and maul me so viciously, like life tends to do.

My life isn't too drastically different from when I last posted, I suppose - I'm still nursing Aurora, although now with her at 14 months the concerns of my low supply are behind us. She nurses for the comfort now, and I don't really make enough for it to be any more than that. This is fine, this is what I wanted, and words cannot express just how happy I am to be able to tell people, "Yes, I have a low milk supply, but look what I managed to do!" It makes me happy to know that I could potentially be a cheerleader to other women dealing with the same thing.

Aurora is also walking. She was a little behind in physical milestones, learning to roll over at about 5 months, to sit up unassisted at about 7 or 8 months, putting herself into a seated position at 9 months, crawling at 10 months. I had to fight back the scream of joy I wanted to let out when she learned to walk at 12 and a half months old, and now at 14 months she practically runs, and has also figured out how to walk backward. Is this normal? I have no idea.

I'm having a bit of a personal struggle at the moment - I appear to be unable to lose weight. I started up my Wii Fit Plus again, and was just watching my weight sloooooowly creep up, anywhere from a quarter to a half pound a day. This may be possibly explained by the approach of my lady time (due tonight) or a completely freakish late ovulation and thus pregnancy. I will readily admit that I haven't been perfect with my eating, and could probably stand to drink a bit more water than I do, although I drink normally about 9 glasses or so. I guess what I'm saying is, I know I'm doing a lot of stuff wrong, but it's REALLY discouraging to just watch that line that is my weight slowly creeping up.

I've been following FlyLady and WOW. My house has been looking phenomenal. (Although not as good as it could, as I look into my kitchen and cringe) My husband appreciates coming home to a house that's at least not trashed, which is something he didn't always get from me. Before Aurora was born, I will freely admit that I didn't do much at all. I'd kind of run around picking stuff up in a dash, throwing it all into the "spare room" (or as I fondly called it, "the place stuff goes to die") and vacuuming before guests come over. I'd kind of try to keep people out of the kitchen (as that was always a wreck) and... I can't do that in this condo. The kitchen is truly the heart of this home, right next to the dining room, which is right next to the living room. I can't try to hide it from people. So, I must clean it, and that's really where my main encouragement has been. I'm pretty excited.

I suppose I should leave more updates for future posts so I have reason to write, huh?

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-28T16:19:00.000-04:00

Hair!

2010-04-06T23:56:00.003-04:00

I am very indecisive when it comes to my hair. I have been for a good portion of my life. I'll grow out my hair, and love it when it's long... until it drives me crazy. And then I will cut it off. Sometimes to my shoulders, sometimes to my chin. Sometimes I'll rock the boyish haircuts.

About a year before I had Aurora, I had cut my hair from my waist to my shoulders. I donated it to Locks of Love, like I had two years prior (similar haircut - waist to shoulders). It came out to being about 14 inches of hair, and I was very proud of it. I decided I was going to grow it out again and donate it, unless it drove me nuts before that.

When Aurora was three months old, I got sick of her little hands grabbing my waist-length hair. It was long enough for her to reach, and the reflex was causing her hands to close around fistfuls of it. It was giving me headaches from the weight in ponytails, so I cut it to my chin. I liked it, and so did my husband. I wore that haircut until last night, when I got fed up with her reaching up to pull it herself. At seven months old, she didn't understand me telling her not to pull my hair, and even putting it back into a ponytail (as it was just below my shoulders by now) wasn't working, because she'd grab it from the scalp behind my ear and pull it out from the pony.

So, I talked my husband into it, and we got into the car and headed to a Great Clips (yeah, I don't really do the fancy places). I warned him it was going to be short. I figured it was fair, he finally talked me into letting him shave his hair off completely, which I wasn't too fond of at first, but have grown to love.

This is what I walked out with:

My poor husband was shocked. He admitted he didn't like it. I reminded him that I didn't like his completely naked head at first, either, but I like it now.

By the next morning, he admitted he likes it. I'm sure it'll continue to grow on him. I love it. I love the ease - five minute showers as opposed to fifteen. Styling is still simple, even if it involves a blow-dryer instead of a clip. Aurora can't pull it unless I have her up on my shoulders, and then I'm asking for it anyway. I love it.

Now to get over the fact that I LOOK LIKE MY MOTHER.

So Easy, Yet...

2010-02-10T19:22:00.003-05:00

It's so easy to get caught up in real life, and to forget other things you wanted to do with your time. When I decided to start writing this blog, I wanted to dedicate time to it every day. I figured, "Hey, it'll be easy! Sit down and write for just a few minutes a day!" What I didn't anticipate would be how hard finding that time would be when you've got a daughter that only naps for 30 minutes at a time, doesn't really nap anywhere but on you, and doesn't go to bed at the same time every night. Finding things to write about when you spend just about every day inside, doing the same things over and over again, is hard. Finding the motivation when you're already drained from juggling child-rearing with housework, housework with being a good wife, is hard.

Aurora has been doing well with weight gain, going from 9 lbs 10 oz to 11 lbs in about a month and a half. Still a bit slower than we'd like, but I'm doing my best. I've started taking domperidone in addition to the fenugreek and blessed thistle and that seems to have helped, even if I only started it a few days ago. I've noticed that I'm pumping more after a feeding, and the amount she's taking from the SNS has dropped. We started going to a new doctor for her, since the old one was by our old house. It was probably three weeks between when we saw her pediatrician last and when we started going to this new family doctor, and she'd only gained five ounces. Not good. So, I increased the amount I was supplementing with from two to three ounces, and became more aggressive about pumping (as in I stopped being lazy and did it every time, instead of some of the time.) I started waking up at 4 AM to pump, unless she was in bed with us (which had her snacking all night). In two weeks, she gained one pound. Today was supposed to be her next weigh-in, but it snowed a ton last night and frankly, I'm scared of the roads. My new plan is to have us go tomorrow, come home and eat dinner, then go to La Leche League. Missing tomorrow is not an option, as I'm down to about 20 oz of donated breast milk in my freezer, and I'd prefer the safety net of having more. I don't freeze any of my own milk, I use it fresh so that I can make the donated stuff last longer. That, and I just like seeing the ladies. :)

Right after Aurora's two-month immunizations, she started sleeping through the night, midnight to eight AM. This spoiled me, because right after her four-month immunizations, she didn't anymore. I wanted to scream. I had to bring her to bed with us to get any manner of sleep. We co-slept for a few months when she was small enough to be swaddled and that worked okay, but once she got too big for the swaddle, sleeping with her is very difficult. She's not a "dreamfeeder," meaning both of us have to wake up for her to eat, and I have to remain awake for the entire feeding. She also enjoys kicking me in her sleep. Overall, this means I get very little quality sleep. We both sleep better in our individual beds. I only got her back into her crib a week or so ago, and two nights ago ended up with her in our bed again after she refused to go down in her crib. I ended up giving up at 3:30, figuring that poor sleep was better than no sleep.

I wish she were reliable again.

New Year

2010-01-04T00:48:00.003-05:00

I have been gone. I came to realize I have major milk supply issues and I've needed to work on those. How did I learn this?

I stopped waking up engorged when my daughter would sleep through the night.
My appetite declined sharply.
My daughter fussed a lot.
My daughter was very, very skinny. She was born at 8 lbs, 6 oz - at three and a half months old, she weighed 9 pounds.

So, I have been using donated breastmilk to supplement in a supplemental nursing system after I nurse her (she takes between 1 and 2 ounces per feeding from that), pumping after nursing, and taking 33 pills a day. (3 brewer's yeast, 4 fenugreek, 3 blessed thistle, and one multivitamin, 3 times a day.) This has helped IMMENSELY. It's tiring, my day is basically nurse, use the SNS, change Aurora, pump, wash SNS and pump parts, play with Aurora for about half an hour, let her nap for a half hour, rinse and repeat. All day. It's exhausting, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I believe it's worth it, though - in one week, she went from 9 pounds to 9 pounds, 10 ounces... She'll have another doctor's appointment soon and we'll see how well she's continued to do.

Mike has two cousins who have children around Aurora's age. Both of them have already stopped breastfeeding, presumably due to supply issues similar to mine. It makes me a little sad that they would give up instead of fighting to continue. Yes, I spend most if not all of my day sitting in the recliner nursing my daughter, but I know she's getting what's best for her. She is completely worth the effort I'm expending to do this, and I can't imagine doing anything less than everything I can for her.

My mother and my step-father drove back up here to Michigan from Illinois to help me out while I got this straightened out, and it has helped me so much. Part of my problem was that I wasn't eating enough food. My body barely had enough to sustain me, much less both of us, so it gave up the milk to keep me going. Now that I'm eating at least two small snacks between each meal (crackers and cream cheese, or yogurt and granola, things like that) and massive breakfasts, lunches, and dinners in comparison to how I used to eat, I'm feeling a difference. It's sad that it took me four months to realize it, but I just had to do it. When they had to leave, Mike stepped in and made sure I kept going.

I'll admit it - I'm scared. Mike is going back to work tomorrow (he was on vacation this last week, before that my mother was here) and I'll be on my own during the day. I'm not sure why it frightens me, I've taken care of her alone before... I think the reason I'm so scared is because all these problems started while I was taking care of her alone. I'm scared that if I'm left alone again, I'll fail again.

By the way, we did start on cloth diapers. I personally find them very, very easy, and Aurora's face brightened the first time I put one on her. I said to her, "yes, sweetheart, I'd rather wear normal undies than newspaper, too."

Cloth Diapering

2009-12-12T21:19:00.003-05:00

I've been talking to my husband about using cloth diapers on Aurora almost since before she was born. My "baby steps" into the world of cloth diapering was using gDiapers, a hybrid system of cloth and disposables. The inserts were flushable, and you washed the outside liner and pants to use again. I loved the re-usability of the little g pants, but didn't much care for having to buy the inserts every week or two. My husband didn't much care for having to travel to Whole Foods or Babies R Us to buy the inserts, and we ended up going to normal disposables. We've used three brands:

Pampers while we were in the hospital. They worked, but not my favorite - we were still having meconium at the time so I have no idea how they'd hold up to breastfed poopies.
Target Up & Up brand. Easily my favorites out of the three, very little rash and until today (I'll elaborate further) contained the breastfed poop exceptionally well.
Huggies. These gave Aurora the worst diaper rash I have ever seen, to the point where the doctor was even surprised at what she saw. We also had several blowouts out the leg holes, out the front, out the back... everywhere.

I think Aurora's outgrowing the size 1 of the Up & Up diapers (upper limit is 10 lbs, I think that's about where she is) but the size 2 starts at 13 pounds. Um... what about that little three pound discrepancy there? That's about two months of growth at the rate Aurora's going! The reason I think she's outgrowing them is because today I had to put on three (yes, THREE) outfits on her. At the cloth diapering class she had a blowout on a super-adorable outfit. This may be because my husband is still getting the hang of diapers... but then she even had blowouts later on with diapers I'd put on her, and I'd like to think diapering is old hat by now, with having helped with my two youngest siblings and now having a daughter of my own.

After much discussion Mike said we could do cloth diapers but only through a diaper service. I Googled for local services and found the price to be MORE than we were paying for disposables! I was saddened by this - I don't want to keep using disposables with how expensive they are! (not to mention the cost of wipes, the chemicals, and the environmental impact!) I did further Googling and discovered a local shop called No Pins Required, which offered free cloth diapering classes in addition to the diapers they sold. I immediately sent Emily, the owner, an email asking about the class. We went to it today, along with my mother-in-law, and I am so glad we did. We learned more about cloth diapering, and Mike is very much on board with the idea now.

The current plan is prefolds for me to use (so mostly those), about five fitteds for Mike to use when he changes her, and a few bumGenius! diapers for overnights. Mike seemed very enamored with the bumGenius!, but at $18 a pop, those are a "few-at-a-time" purchase. It's looking like we'll use the arrangement I detailed, with purchasing a few different diapers every so often to try them out and build a nice stash. I can't wait!

La Leche League

2009-12-11T12:09:00.003-05:00

Like a lot of breastfeeding moms, I attend La Leche League meetings. The first meeting I attended was right after Aurora turned one month old, and I haven't missed one since. I should have started going when I was pregnant - it may have saved me the stress I faced when I had issues nursing in the hospital. I digress.

I used to attend the Ferndale/Oak Park meeting, as it was the closest one to where I lived. Of course, I went and moved about 30 minutes north, so that was obviously out of the question. I looked on the La Leche League International website and to my joy, discovered a very active Lake Orion group, close enough that I could walk there! I only attended evening meetings with the Ferndale/Oak Park group, but I can go to both here in Lake Orion. That's twice as many opportunities to see and meet other moms, and that's two times a month I get out of this house longer than to go grocery shopping.

This Lake Orion group also does fundraisers, one of which is gift wrapping at the mall. I brought it up with my husband and it looks like he's willing to hang out at the mall with Aurora for four hours (this is where the carrier we have and the sling, if we get it in time, will come in handy!). I'll do the gift wrapping, he'll bring her to me a couple times for nursing, everyone's happy. This is another chance to get involved and meet people. I like this idea. :)

Sleep, and Snow

2009-12-09T08:51:00.003-05:00

I require sleep. I'll be honest. I am a better mother with a full night's sleep, I am a better wife with a full night's sleep. I am infinitely more patient, both with Aurora and with Mike, and everybody in general is happier when I get sleep.

That said, Aurora wouldn't go to sleep until nearly 1 AM, then she was up at 2 hungry again. She took nearly an hour to get back down that time, then was up again at 7.

I am exhausted. I am clinging to my mug of coffee for dear life and anticipate perhaps making a second pot of coffee. I'm going to need it just to make it until Aurora goes to bed tonight.

In other news, it snowed last night. There is SNOW everywhere. UGH. As I previously mentioned on here, I hate snow. Hate it. I hate weather in general. I loved living in Phoenix, with well over 300 days of sunshine a year. Sure, it was hot, but you always knew someone who had a pool or someone willing to go to the waterpark or public pool with you. At the very least, you knew someone who had grass and a sprinkler. The winters were mild (although I thought they were cold at the time) and overall, the weather there worked well for me.

Here, I get to freeze my buns off half the year. I'm trying to convince Mike that we should move to Phoenix at some point, but I know now is not the time. The cool thing about living here with the snow and stuff is that I get to see Aurora's face the first time she sees snow. I didn't see snow until I was 5 years old. If I get brave enough to take her out today, she'll see it for the first time, at three months old. It's very cool.

Deleting Emails could Make You Happier?

2009-12-08T13:34:00.004-05:00

I was linked to this BoingBoing article by a friend, and I was interested by what it suggested.

... [Rob Beschizza] immediately deletes every message that comes into his Inbox. Either that, or he replies to it and then deletes it. Nothing stays longer than a day or two. Sounds like something easier said than done, right?

I was intrigued at this thought. Not keeping any emails? Deleting them immediately?

I'm sort of a pack rat when it comes to my email. I try not to save physical items (clutter bothers me) but emails, I'll save for years. I read that and immediately thought of the folder I have in a seldom-used Hotmail email address containing every email my high school boyfriend ever sent me.

Yes, that's right, I've been married nearly a year, haven't dated that man since 2006, but I still had every email he sent me between 2003 and 2005.

I loaded that email account. I selected everything in that folder. I clicked Delete.

It felt good.

I moved to the email folder containing comment notifications from my (now mostly-ignored) LiveJournal. I selected all 11 pages. I clicked Delete.

That felt even better!

I went through the Inbox, deleted everything there. I deleted three other folders. All in all, from that one email account, I deleted (brace yourself!) 2,140 emails. Two thousand, one hundred forty! I was shocked! How did I accumulate so many?!

I used to clear my LiveJournal folder about once a week. I got lazy, though. I had comments from last year in there. I had over 1,000 emails in that folder alone. Appalling.

I went through my other Hotmail account and deleted about another thousand messages there, then went to my Gmail account. I had saved every single email I ever received there because I had space! Why NOT keep everything?

I deleted another 4,000 messages from there.

All in all, I deleted nearly 10,000 email messages today. I feel wonderful. Fantastic. Like a weight I wasn't even sure was there was just hanging on my shoulders.

The only emails I didn't touch were from Mike. I'm not quite willing to get rid of those, so many confessions of love, so many well-wishes from work when he and I email each other while he's there. That's something I'm going to have to work on, but I'm not sure I want to.

"Sleep Training"

2009-12-07T07:52:00.004-05:00

For the longest time (and by that I mean "practically since she was born save a few flukes") Aurora has gone to bed after midnight. Mike and I endured many nights of her screaming until 2 or 3 AM. She was probably overtired. I know we were. I just didn't know how to get her to bed any earlier than that, and neither did he. I'm firmly against young babies crying it out, and even though we co-slept for a few months, she would scream if we tried to lay down with her before she was "ready." We just put up with it.

Lately I was proud of getting her to bed at around midnight, but I decided it actually kind of sucked to have her sleeping until noon. My final straw was three nights ago, I was up with her until nearly 1 AM again after she'd been going to bed very reliably around midnight. After being a sobbing puddle on the floor of her bedroom as she screamed, I decided I would do "sleep training."*

* not actually sleep training, by the socially accepted definition of such (cry it out).

It starts at about 9:30. I have Mike turn down the TV (he's usually playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 around this time) and I sit down to nurse her. After 30 minutes of nursing, we go into her nursery. I turn on her mobile and hum along with the music, usually for the entire 10 minutes the mobile is on. I gently lay her down once she's fast asleep and sneak out. If she wakes up, I come back in and repeat - rock her to sleep, lay her down once she's asleep. I repeat this process until it's been 30 minutes without a peep, then I go to bed myself.

The first night I had to go in and repeat the rocking three times. I was okay with this. She stopped crying as soon as I picked her up, so I didn't have the frustration of listening to her scream. This is, of course, what left me a sobbing puddle on the floor of her bedroom the night before. She was successfully asleep around 11 PM. She woke up at 8 AM (her "usual" time) but refused to go back to sleep even though she needed it. She ended up taking a very long nap around 4 PM- nearly two hours long, even though her usual is 30 minutes.

Last night I only had to go in once. I know this may not be how it is tonight, I may have to go in three or four or ten times. I am determined to make this work, though, for both of our sakes. She needs plenty of sleep, and I need to not be a sobbing wreck as I try to get her to bed.

Fitness

2009-12-05T23:08:00.002-05:00

My husband and I, like many (most?) Americans, have weight problems. He doesn't mountain bike as much as he used to and I, quite frankly, am lazy. I also hate the outdoors, and most specifically that Michigan has weather. Ew, seasons. I think I'm itching at the thought.

To that end, my husband's favorite form of exercise is biking distances in the double-digits. He once got first place in a 24-hour mountain bike race. The thought of this makes me want to curl up under thick blankets and take a really long nap.

My favorite form of exercise is ~~window shopping~~ walking the mall. It's air-conditioned in the summer, heated in the winter. It does not snow in the mall. It does not rain in the mall. I do not get eaten alive by mosquitoes in the mall. It is the perfect form of exercise for me. I love it. My husband does not enjoy this as much.

He was planning on mountain biking today, but the weather is getting to him and he's feeling a bit ill. He still wanted exercise, as did I, so we all loaded up in the car, brought my front carrier for Aurora, and we walked around Great Lakes Crossing. It's about 8/10 of a mile all the way around, which is how far we walked. Not bad for a sick person and a lazy person, I say. Not bad at all.

In other news, MY DAUGHTER WENT TO BED BEFORE MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. OMG.

Ah...

2009-12-04T11:10:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving was wonderful. Having my mom and step-dad here was so great. We spent a lot of time together, and they were so glad to meet Aurora. We had a great time - we went to Canterbury Village in Lake Orion, Michigan and spent the morning there. See, my mother collects moose stuff. My step-dad is a Jr, and his nickname is Moose. My mom has an intimidating collection of stuffed "meese" (as I call them) and loves little moose ornaments. We went absolutely nuts in there, looking for as many moose things as we can find.

We found the best ornament ever:

We found others for her, but we didn't get pictures of all of them.

There's a Santa Claus you can get pictures with, so we're going to have to come back to get the required "kid crying on Santa's lap" picture. After we went to Canterbury Village, we (my mother, my mother-in-law, myself, Aurora) went to Great Lakes Crossing, a huge mall in Auburn Hills, Michigan. It's full of outlet stores (just like Arizona Mills Mall, or any other "Mills" mall if you have one near you), so of course us women went crazy. We visited four different stores looking for a Christmas dress for my daughter, and we found the perfect one at Gymboree. I'd been eyeing dresses at The Children's Place, but we never even got that far around - we found the perfect one! It's a red plaid, and we found a cream shirt to go under it, and little socks with trim that matches the shirt. At Osh Kosh, we found a little sweater - red with a cream faux fur trim. All I have to do now is get cream tights (which I can get anywhere) and maaaaybe a little bow for her hair, and she'll be perfect for pictures. Don't tease me, this is my first baby, and she's my little girl, and I want everything to be perfect for her first Christmas.

I feel good, I walked up to the grocery store and bought bananas and coffee (because I needed coffee. Needed.) and... cookies. I have a confession: I am addicted to all things pumpkin. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin squares, toasted pumpkin seeds, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin EVERYTHING. And Kroger had a little box of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. On Sale. I couldn't help myself. I came home and admitted to my husband that I'd made a splurge purchase. He asked what it was, I pulled out the cookies, and he laughed and said it was all right. He likes pumpkin too, just not nearly as much as I do.

This has been a productive morning for me. I cleaned up the kitchen a little while my daughter sleeps, and I loaded and ran the dishwasher. All I have to do now is fold the laundry in the dryer and maybe start a load of laundry again and I'll have accomplished just about everything I wanted to this morning. Instead I decided to work on the blog, since I haven't touched it in over a week. Still, this was also on my to-do list, so it wasn't a complete waste.

Thankful

2009-11-25T20:41:00.003-05:00

I'm thankful for my wonderful family, for my gorgeous daughter and my amazing husband. I'm thankful for my mother and my step-father being able to make it here to spend Thanksgiving with us and meet their gorgeous granddaughter. I'm thankful for the health of my family, and thankful for the fact that my gallbladder pain went away today. I'm thankful for this gorgeous new place we have, and thankful that we have such wonderful friends.

I'm thankful for the food I have to eat, thankful for the cat I have to snuggle my feet, thankful for the fact that I'm an American, thankful for the troops that have fought so hard and given so much to guarantee my freedom.

I'm thankful for the family we have, and that we can all get together tomorrow and eat dinner, that we can enjoy our time together. I'm thankful for my sister in law coming back safe and sound from her time overseas in the Peace Corps, and for her being able to meet her niece and spend Thanksgiving with her family.

I'm thankful.

Me? Cleaning?! YOU DON'T SAY.

2009-11-23T18:51:00.003-05:00

I've gotten quite a bit done today! I'm proud of myself. The key to this was PUTTING. THE COMPUTER. AWAY. It sat on our dining room table all day while I got things done. It felt very good. I've only touched it while my daughter has slept! I got the box of clothes in the closet unpacked, and I got three loads of laundry done, with two more to do tomorrow. Still, this is quite the accomplishment, if I do say so myself. :)

My mother is coming TOMORROW. Yay, we're all so excited! That may be most of the reason why I've been doing so much laundry. And also vacuuming, which is really something I should be doing daily but DON'T JUDGE ME. I'm just proud to be keeping clean underwears on our butts and clean socks on our feet. Daily vacuuming can come later. :)

I want to see New Moon, and I want my husband to go with me. Mostly because he wants to see that God-awful-looking movie Old Dogs, which I could really care less to see. My offer is this: I will see Old Dogs if he sees New Moon. This sounds fair to me.

Meltdown!

2009-11-22T18:32:00.003-05:00

So last night I learned that when you're sleep-deprived, trying to convince your child to sleep before they're ready to is a very, very bad idea. I had a horrible meltdown last night, I was so exhausted. I asked my husband to go ahead and take Aurora and I went to bed... I actually slept through her crying with him, that's how exhausted I was. After some sleep and letting her sleep with us last night we've had a much better day today for the most part... except...

... I was clipping her fingernails, since they were ridiculously long. I was tolerating her clawing my chest while I nursed her, but I noticed she managed to scratch her face. Time to clip the nails! She doesn't particularly enjoy this most of the time. I imagine I wouldn't like someone holding my fingers to clip the fingernails either. She was thrashing a bit and I ended up nipping her little finger. It bled, a lot, and my poor husband freaked out... I felt so terrible, so guilty.

My mother and step-dad should be leaving tomorrow to come here. I'm so excited! It's about a six-hour drive from central Illinois here to southeast Michigan, and I know they'll keep us updated. I can't wait for them to meet Aurora, and for Mike and I to see them again. You know how you worry about how your mother will like the man you're marrying? I didn't have to worry... my mom and step-dad love Mike! They get along fabulously, and I love that.

Still unpacking...

2009-11-21T00:13:00.004-05:00

We've been working very hard on getting the boxes unpacked and this condo set up and ready to go. I've gotten the nursery very close to complete, just really need to put away the clothes she doesn't fit into yet/anymore and hang up her wall decorations. I need to get a quilt hanger for the gorgeous blanket my step-dad's mother cross-stitched with Aurora's full name, and I'd love to get a shelf and wooden letters to spell Aurora to hang over the crib. We've made progress in our bedroom as well, with the bed set up, Mike's desk set up, and most of our clothes hung in our completely massive closet. (I love that closet. Love.)

The big reason we're trying to get everything in the condo set up in a week is because my mother is coming to visit on Monday and staying for a week. Finally! She hasn't even met Aurora yet, which makes us all sad. She had some health problems that kept preventing her from coming, but now everything's a-okay, and Aurora will get to meet her Nana and Papa Darrel finally. We're all excited! Now, the main problem is figuring out where they're going to sleep. I'm thinking living room, and we're going to have to find something for them to sleep on. Mom thinks that there's places I can rent a hideaway bed from, which would be awesome and absolutely perfect. I'll have to poke around tomorrow.

I was very sick today. I wasn't a very good mama because of it... I spent a lot of time laying on the floor staring at my daughter flailing her little arms and legs and making adorable faces at me. I slept in the chair while she nursed, which was a welcome nap. I feel much better right now, though, and I'm thinking it's just because I ate way too fast last night and had tummy problems the whole night (which kept me from sleeping well) and most of today as a result. I'm sure I'll be good as new tomorrow, which will be good for both amusing Aurora and getting stuff done around the house, which can actually be done at the same time! I made silly faces at her and played peek-a-boo while I hung her clothes up in her closet, and I'm sure I can do the same in the closet in our bedroom too tomorrow. We'll have to see.

SHOTS!

2009-11-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

Our kitchen is officially unpacked. The living room and our bedroom are still full of boxes, but hey! The kitchen's unpacked! All three beds (our bed, the crib, and the bedside bassinet) are all set up. It's a shame, we bought that bedside bassinet and our daughter will hardly sleep in it. The night before last, we didn't have the crib set up yet, so I put her in the bassinet. She slept for four hours (which was awesome) then refused to go back in it after I nursed her. The thing about her sleeping in bed with me... I love the snuggles, I love cuddling her all night, but she wakes me up EVERY HOUR to nurse. I don't get much sleep, she doesn't get much sleep, and we're both very crabby the next morning. She figures, hey! The snack bar is RIGHT THERE. Let's have some! She and I haven't mastered the sleep-nursing yet, so I have to wake up and stay awake for every nursing. I can't handle it.

Yesterday was her two-month appointment (at nearly three months old, oh dear.) and she got SHOTS. SHOTS! I had a screaming baby! Her weight dropped from the 50th percentile to the 5th... so that's a touch concerning. Anyway, we'd set up the crib in the nursery and we decided to give it a shot. I've never not slept in the same room as her so just before I went to bed I must've popped in there to check on her eight times. The doctor had told us "most parents say these shots make their baby sleep through the night for the first time."

I woke up, thought "ow. I'm leaking." then looked at the clock. Seven o'clock! She'd slept in that crib for eight hours! My next thought was then OH MY GOD I DIDN'T SET THE ALARM CLOCK. My poor husband was late for work. I fixed his lunch and bustled around until our daughter woke up, then nursed her... and she fell back asleep! She might be a sleepy baby today. Or a crabby baby. Only time will tell.

Moving

2009-11-16T09:19:00.000-05:00

We just moved into our new condo. See, we'd been living in metropolitan Detroit, close enough to be living in its shadow, but far enough away that I could say "Oh, no, I don't live in Detroit." I've almost always lived in the city, growing up in Phoenix, Arizona, then moving here to be with the man who would be my husband. I love the hustle and bustle, I love the busy, I love how many people there are. I've always called myself a city girl.

We moved to another town. About 20 minutes north. We're out of Detroit's shadow, but we're in a place that's more... rural. This will be great for my husband, wonderful for my daughter - she may only be two and a half months old, but as she grows, she'll learn how to ride a bike with my husband in a safer place than I did. She'll get to see the state park we live very close to. She'll have the experience of a rural area, something I had when I was very young and loved.

Of course, now that I'm 24, the idea scares me. Where's my hustle and bustle? Where's all my people? We're a one-car household, so my husband takes the car. There's a grocery store, a Subway, and a pharmacy I can walk to... that's pretty much it. That really scares me.

My husband, an avid mountain biker, loves it. He has his pick of mountain biking trails near here, and there are many paved bike paths as well that he can take our daughter on soon.

Still, deep inside I'm happy, because it is gorgeous here. I thought Michigan was pretty before I'd moved out into a far more "foresty" area. Right now, the only thing truly stressing me out is ALL THESE BOXES. BOXES EVERYWHERE.