Monday, November 15, 2010


I'll start this post by making it very clear that I don't often remember my dreams, so I won't really detail any here.

I have odd dreams. If I remember them, anyway. I don't have those dreams often where it's just a normal every day action, something weird always has to happen. For example, when I was in first grade, I had a dream that a robot was trying to change me into a robot. I was terrified of our linen closet for weeks after that dream. In high school, I had a recurring dream that I was about to go on stage and start to play a solo for a performance (I was in the band in school).

A few months after I had the miscarriage, and a few months before I became pregnant with Aurora, I had a dream that I'd had the baby anyway and it had been in the NICU, and when Mike and I went to pick the baby up, I just kind of sat it up in the back seat and buckled it in. It was very out of character for me to not care about a baby, especially one that was my own. That dream disturbed me a bit.

When I was pregnant with Aurora, I had many, many dreams focusing on death, excepting the one where I nursed Baloo. (Baloo is our super-adorable fluffy gray cat, and I highly doubt she would let me nurse her.) I dreamed that people murdered Mike, and then chased the nameless, genderless baby and me down. One particularly terrifying one was brought on by a neighbor chopping down one of their trees with a chainsaw - the murderer in that dream was Jason. I've never even SEEN a Friday the 13th movie. I suppose those fears of death were brought on by the previous miscarriage, because once we had the big ultrasound at about 20 weeks, the dreams stopped. I had just odd dreams after that.

This is a little weird to me because I'm at cycle day 37 of a menstrual cycle that generally only lasts 33 days, and last night I had a dream where Mike, Aurora, and I almost died, and then Mike and I ended up in jail for some reason (and yet, I could keep Aurora with me. Yeah, that's a great place for a toddler.) I woke up feeling generally off. I've also had a few questionable symptoms... It wouldn't be exactly tragic if we were to be expecting a baby again, but we're really not prepared yet. :)

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