It's so easy to get caught up in real life, and to forget other things you wanted to do with your time. When I decided to start writing this blog, I wanted to dedicate time to it every day. I figured, "Hey, it'll be easy! Sit down and write for just a few minutes a day!" What I didn't anticipate would be how hard finding that time would be when you've got a daughter that only naps for 30 minutes at a time, doesn't really nap anywhere but on you, and doesn't go to bed at the same time every night. Finding things to write about when you spend just about every day inside, doing the same things over and over again, is hard. Finding the motivation when you're already drained from juggling child-rearing with housework, housework with being a good wife, is hard.
Aurora has been doing well with weight gain, going from 9 lbs 10 oz to 11 lbs in about a month and a half. Still a bit slower than we'd like, but I'm doing my best. I've started taking domperidone in addition to the fenugreek and blessed thistle and that seems to have helped, even if I only started it a few days ago. I've noticed that I'm pumping more after a feeding, and the amount she's taking from the SNS has dropped. We started going to a new doctor for her, since the old one was by our old house. It was probably three weeks between when we saw her pediatrician last and when we started going to this new family doctor, and she'd only gained five ounces. Not good. So, I increased the amount I was supplementing with from two to three ounces, and became more aggressive about pumping (as in I stopped being lazy and did it every time, instead of some of the time.) I started waking up at 4 AM to pump, unless she was in bed with us (which had her snacking all night). In two weeks, she gained one pound. Today was supposed to be her next weigh-in, but it snowed a ton last night and frankly, I'm scared of the roads. My new plan is to have us go tomorrow, come home and eat dinner, then go to La Leche League. Missing tomorrow is not an option, as I'm down to about 20 oz of donated breast milk in my freezer, and I'd prefer the safety net of having more. I don't freeze any of my own milk, I use it fresh so that I can make the donated stuff last longer. That, and I just like seeing the ladies. :)
Right after Aurora's two-month immunizations, she started sleeping through the night, midnight to eight AM. This spoiled me, because right after her four-month immunizations, she didn't anymore. I wanted to scream. I had to bring her to bed with us to get any manner of sleep. We co-slept for a few months when she was small enough to be swaddled and that worked okay, but once she got too big for the swaddle, sleeping with her is very difficult. She's not a "dreamfeeder," meaning both of us have to wake up for her to eat, and I have to remain awake for the entire feeding. She also enjoys kicking me in her sleep. Overall, this means I get very little quality sleep. We both sleep better in our individual beds. I only got her back into her crib a week or so ago, and two nights ago ended up with her in our bed again after she refused to go down in her crib. I ended up giving up at 3:30, figuring that poor sleep was better than no sleep.
I wish she were reliable again.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Year
I have been gone. I came to realize I have major milk supply issues and I've needed to work on those. How did I learn this?
Mike has two cousins who have children around Aurora's age. Both of them have already stopped breastfeeding, presumably due to supply issues similar to mine. It makes me a little sad that they would give up instead of fighting to continue. Yes, I spend most if not all of my day sitting in the recliner nursing my daughter, but I know she's getting what's best for her. She is completely worth the effort I'm expending to do this, and I can't imagine doing anything less than everything I can for her.
My mother and my step-father drove back up here to Michigan from Illinois to help me out while I got this straightened out, and it has helped me so much. Part of my problem was that I wasn't eating enough food. My body barely had enough to sustain me, much less both of us, so it gave up the milk to keep me going. Now that I'm eating at least two small snacks between each meal (crackers and cream cheese, or yogurt and granola, things like that) and massive breakfasts, lunches, and dinners in comparison to how I used to eat, I'm feeling a difference. It's sad that it took me four months to realize it, but I just had to do it. When they had to leave, Mike stepped in and made sure I kept going.
I'll admit it - I'm scared. Mike is going back to work tomorrow (he was on vacation this last week, before that my mother was here) and I'll be on my own during the day. I'm not sure why it frightens me, I've taken care of her alone before... I think the reason I'm so scared is because all these problems started while I was taking care of her alone. I'm scared that if I'm left alone again, I'll fail again.
By the way, we did start on cloth diapers. I personally find them very, very easy, and Aurora's face brightened the first time I put one on her. I said to her, "yes, sweetheart, I'd rather wear normal undies than newspaper, too."
- I stopped waking up engorged when my daughter would sleep through the night.
- My appetite declined sharply.
- My daughter fussed a lot.
- My daughter was very, very skinny. She was born at 8 lbs, 6 oz - at three and a half months old, she weighed 9 pounds.
Mike has two cousins who have children around Aurora's age. Both of them have already stopped breastfeeding, presumably due to supply issues similar to mine. It makes me a little sad that they would give up instead of fighting to continue. Yes, I spend most if not all of my day sitting in the recliner nursing my daughter, but I know she's getting what's best for her. She is completely worth the effort I'm expending to do this, and I can't imagine doing anything less than everything I can for her.
My mother and my step-father drove back up here to Michigan from Illinois to help me out while I got this straightened out, and it has helped me so much. Part of my problem was that I wasn't eating enough food. My body barely had enough to sustain me, much less both of us, so it gave up the milk to keep me going. Now that I'm eating at least two small snacks between each meal (crackers and cream cheese, or yogurt and granola, things like that) and massive breakfasts, lunches, and dinners in comparison to how I used to eat, I'm feeling a difference. It's sad that it took me four months to realize it, but I just had to do it. When they had to leave, Mike stepped in and made sure I kept going.
I'll admit it - I'm scared. Mike is going back to work tomorrow (he was on vacation this last week, before that my mother was here) and I'll be on my own during the day. I'm not sure why it frightens me, I've taken care of her alone before... I think the reason I'm so scared is because all these problems started while I was taking care of her alone. I'm scared that if I'm left alone again, I'll fail again.
By the way, we did start on cloth diapers. I personally find them very, very easy, and Aurora's face brightened the first time I put one on her. I said to her, "yes, sweetheart, I'd rather wear normal undies than newspaper, too."
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Cloth Diapering
I've been talking to my husband about using cloth diapers on Aurora almost since before she was born. My "baby steps" into the world of cloth diapering was using gDiapers, a hybrid system of cloth and disposables. The inserts were flushable, and you washed the outside liner and pants to use again. I loved the re-usability of the little g pants, but didn't much care for having to buy the inserts every week or two. My husband didn't much care for having to travel to Whole Foods or Babies R Us to buy the inserts, and we ended up going to normal disposables. We've used three brands:
After much discussion Mike said we could do cloth diapers but only through a diaper service. I Googled for local services and found the price to be MORE than we were paying for disposables! I was saddened by this - I don't want to keep using disposables with how expensive they are! (not to mention the cost of wipes, the chemicals, and the environmental impact!) I did further Googling and discovered a local shop called No Pins Required, which offered free cloth diapering classes in addition to the diapers they sold. I immediately sent Emily, the owner, an email asking about the class. We went to it today, along with my mother-in-law, and I am so glad we did. We learned more about cloth diapering, and Mike is very much on board with the idea now.
The current plan is prefolds for me to use (so mostly those), about five fitteds for Mike to use when he changes her, and a few bumGenius! diapers for overnights. Mike seemed very enamored with the bumGenius!, but at $18 a pop, those are a "few-at-a-time" purchase. It's looking like we'll use the arrangement I detailed, with purchasing a few different diapers every so often to try them out and build a nice stash. I can't wait!
- Pampers while we were in the hospital. They worked, but not my favorite - we were still having meconium at the time so I have no idea how they'd hold up to breastfed poopies.
- Target Up & Up brand. Easily my favorites out of the three, very little rash and until today (I'll elaborate further) contained the breastfed poop exceptionally well.
- Huggies. These gave Aurora the worst diaper rash I have ever seen, to the point where the doctor was even surprised at what she saw. We also had several blowouts out the leg holes, out the front, out the back... everywhere.
After much discussion Mike said we could do cloth diapers but only through a diaper service. I Googled for local services and found the price to be MORE than we were paying for disposables! I was saddened by this - I don't want to keep using disposables with how expensive they are! (not to mention the cost of wipes, the chemicals, and the environmental impact!) I did further Googling and discovered a local shop called No Pins Required, which offered free cloth diapering classes in addition to the diapers they sold. I immediately sent Emily, the owner, an email asking about the class. We went to it today, along with my mother-in-law, and I am so glad we did. We learned more about cloth diapering, and Mike is very much on board with the idea now.
The current plan is prefolds for me to use (so mostly those), about five fitteds for Mike to use when he changes her, and a few bumGenius! diapers for overnights. Mike seemed very enamored with the bumGenius!, but at $18 a pop, those are a "few-at-a-time" purchase. It's looking like we'll use the arrangement I detailed, with purchasing a few different diapers every so often to try them out and build a nice stash. I can't wait!
Friday, December 11, 2009
La Leche League
Like a lot of breastfeeding moms, I attend La Leche League meetings. The first meeting I attended was right after Aurora turned one month old, and I haven't missed one since. I should have started going when I was pregnant - it may have saved me the stress I faced when I had issues nursing in the hospital. I digress.
I used to attend the Ferndale/Oak Park meeting, as it was the closest one to where I lived. Of course, I went and moved about 30 minutes north, so that was obviously out of the question. I looked on the La Leche League International website and to my joy, discovered a very active Lake Orion group, close enough that I could walk there! I only attended evening meetings with the Ferndale/Oak Park group, but I can go to both here in Lake Orion. That's twice as many opportunities to see and meet other moms, and that's two times a month I get out of this house longer than to go grocery shopping.
This Lake Orion group also does fundraisers, one of which is gift wrapping at the mall. I brought it up with my husband and it looks like he's willing to hang out at the mall with Aurora for four hours (this is where the carrier we have and the sling, if we get it in time, will come in handy!). I'll do the gift wrapping, he'll bring her to me a couple times for nursing, everyone's happy. This is another chance to get involved and meet people. I like this idea. :)
I used to attend the Ferndale/Oak Park meeting, as it was the closest one to where I lived. Of course, I went and moved about 30 minutes north, so that was obviously out of the question. I looked on the La Leche League International website and to my joy, discovered a very active Lake Orion group, close enough that I could walk there! I only attended evening meetings with the Ferndale/Oak Park group, but I can go to both here in Lake Orion. That's twice as many opportunities to see and meet other moms, and that's two times a month I get out of this house longer than to go grocery shopping.
This Lake Orion group also does fundraisers, one of which is gift wrapping at the mall. I brought it up with my husband and it looks like he's willing to hang out at the mall with Aurora for four hours (this is where the carrier we have and the sling, if we get it in time, will come in handy!). I'll do the gift wrapping, he'll bring her to me a couple times for nursing, everyone's happy. This is another chance to get involved and meet people. I like this idea. :)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Sleep, and Snow
I require sleep. I'll be honest. I am a better mother with a full night's sleep, I am a better wife with a full night's sleep. I am infinitely more patient, both with Aurora and with Mike, and everybody in general is happier when I get sleep.
That said, Aurora wouldn't go to sleep until nearly 1 AM, then she was up at 2 hungry again. She took nearly an hour to get back down that time, then was up again at 7.
I am exhausted. I am clinging to my mug of coffee for dear life and anticipate perhaps making a second pot of coffee. I'm going to need it just to make it until Aurora goes to bed tonight.
In other news, it snowed last night. There is SNOW everywhere. UGH. As I previously mentioned on here, I hate snow. Hate it. I hate weather in general. I loved living in Phoenix, with well over 300 days of sunshine a year. Sure, it was hot, but you always knew someone who had a pool or someone willing to go to the waterpark or public pool with you. At the very least, you knew someone who had grass and a sprinkler. The winters were mild (although I thought they were cold at the time) and overall, the weather there worked well for me.
Here, I get to freeze my buns off half the year. I'm trying to convince Mike that we should move to Phoenix at some point, but I know now is not the time. The cool thing about living here with the snow and stuff is that I get to see Aurora's face the first time she sees snow. I didn't see snow until I was 5 years old. If I get brave enough to take her out today, she'll see it for the first time, at three months old. It's very cool.
That said, Aurora wouldn't go to sleep until nearly 1 AM, then she was up at 2 hungry again. She took nearly an hour to get back down that time, then was up again at 7.
I am exhausted. I am clinging to my mug of coffee for dear life and anticipate perhaps making a second pot of coffee. I'm going to need it just to make it until Aurora goes to bed tonight.
In other news, it snowed last night. There is SNOW everywhere. UGH. As I previously mentioned on here, I hate snow. Hate it. I hate weather in general. I loved living in Phoenix, with well over 300 days of sunshine a year. Sure, it was hot, but you always knew someone who had a pool or someone willing to go to the waterpark or public pool with you. At the very least, you knew someone who had grass and a sprinkler. The winters were mild (although I thought they were cold at the time) and overall, the weather there worked well for me.
Here, I get to freeze my buns off half the year. I'm trying to convince Mike that we should move to Phoenix at some point, but I know now is not the time. The cool thing about living here with the snow and stuff is that I get to see Aurora's face the first time she sees snow. I didn't see snow until I was 5 years old. If I get brave enough to take her out today, she'll see it for the first time, at three months old. It's very cool.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Deleting Emails could Make You Happier?
I was linked to this BoingBoing article by a friend, and I was interested by what it suggested.
I'm sort of a pack rat when it comes to my email. I try not to save physical items (clutter bothers me) but emails, I'll save for years. I read that and immediately thought of the folder I have in a seldom-used Hotmail email address containing every email my high school boyfriend ever sent me.
Yes, that's right, I've been married nearly a year, haven't dated that man since 2006, but I still had every email he sent me between 2003 and 2005.
I loaded that email account. I selected everything in that folder. I clicked Delete.
It felt good.
I moved to the email folder containing comment notifications from my (now mostly-ignored) LiveJournal. I selected all 11 pages. I clicked Delete.
That felt even better!
I went through the Inbox, deleted everything there. I deleted three other folders. All in all, from that one email account, I deleted (brace yourself!) 2,140 emails. Two thousand, one hundred forty! I was shocked! How did I accumulate so many?!
I used to clear my LiveJournal folder about once a week. I got lazy, though. I had comments from last year in there. I had over 1,000 emails in that folder alone. Appalling.
I went through my other Hotmail account and deleted about another thousand messages there, then went to my Gmail account. I had saved every single email I ever received there because I had space! Why NOT keep everything?
I deleted another 4,000 messages from there.
All in all, I deleted nearly 10,000 email messages today. I feel wonderful. Fantastic. Like a weight I wasn't even sure was there was just hanging on my shoulders.
The only emails I didn't touch were from Mike. I'm not quite willing to get rid of those, so many confessions of love, so many well-wishes from work when he and I email each other while he's there. That's something I'm going to have to work on, but I'm not sure I want to.
... [Rob Beschizza] immediately deletes every message that comes into his Inbox. Either that, or he replies to it and then deletes it. Nothing stays longer than a day or two. Sounds like something easier said than done, right?I was intrigued at this thought. Not keeping any emails? Deleting them immediately?
I'm sort of a pack rat when it comes to my email. I try not to save physical items (clutter bothers me) but emails, I'll save for years. I read that and immediately thought of the folder I have in a seldom-used Hotmail email address containing every email my high school boyfriend ever sent me.
Yes, that's right, I've been married nearly a year, haven't dated that man since 2006, but I still had every email he sent me between 2003 and 2005.
I loaded that email account. I selected everything in that folder. I clicked Delete.
It felt good.
I moved to the email folder containing comment notifications from my (now mostly-ignored) LiveJournal. I selected all 11 pages. I clicked Delete.
That felt even better!
I went through the Inbox, deleted everything there. I deleted three other folders. All in all, from that one email account, I deleted (brace yourself!) 2,140 emails. Two thousand, one hundred forty! I was shocked! How did I accumulate so many?!
I used to clear my LiveJournal folder about once a week. I got lazy, though. I had comments from last year in there. I had over 1,000 emails in that folder alone. Appalling.
I went through my other Hotmail account and deleted about another thousand messages there, then went to my Gmail account. I had saved every single email I ever received there because I had space! Why NOT keep everything?
I deleted another 4,000 messages from there.
All in all, I deleted nearly 10,000 email messages today. I feel wonderful. Fantastic. Like a weight I wasn't even sure was there was just hanging on my shoulders.
The only emails I didn't touch were from Mike. I'm not quite willing to get rid of those, so many confessions of love, so many well-wishes from work when he and I email each other while he's there. That's something I'm going to have to work on, but I'm not sure I want to.
Monday, December 7, 2009
"Sleep Training"
For the longest time (and by that I mean "practically since she was born save a few flukes") Aurora has gone to bed after midnight. Mike and I endured many nights of her screaming until 2 or 3 AM. She was probably overtired. I know we were. I just didn't know how to get her to bed any earlier than that, and neither did he. I'm firmly against young babies crying it out, and even though we co-slept for a few months, she would scream if we tried to lay down with her before she was "ready." We just put up with it.
Lately I was proud of getting her to bed at around midnight, but I decided it actually kind of sucked to have her sleeping until noon. My final straw was three nights ago, I was up with her until nearly 1 AM again after she'd been going to bed very reliably around midnight. After being a sobbing puddle on the floor of her bedroom as she screamed, I decided I would do "sleep training."*
* not actually sleep training, by the socially accepted definition of such (cry it out).
It starts at about 9:30. I have Mike turn down the TV (he's usually playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 around this time) and I sit down to nurse her. After 30 minutes of nursing, we go into her nursery. I turn on her mobile and hum along with the music, usually for the entire 10 minutes the mobile is on. I gently lay her down once she's fast asleep and sneak out. If she wakes up, I come back in and repeat - rock her to sleep, lay her down once she's asleep. I repeat this process until it's been 30 minutes without a peep, then I go to bed myself.
The first night I had to go in and repeat the rocking three times. I was okay with this. She stopped crying as soon as I picked her up, so I didn't have the frustration of listening to her scream. This is, of course, what left me a sobbing puddle on the floor of her bedroom the night before. She was successfully asleep around 11 PM. She woke up at 8 AM (her "usual" time) but refused to go back to sleep even though she needed it. She ended up taking a very long nap around 4 PM- nearly two hours long, even though her usual is 30 minutes.
Last night I only had to go in once. I know this may not be how it is tonight, I may have to go in three or four or ten times. I am determined to make this work, though, for both of our sakes. She needs plenty of sleep, and I need to not be a sobbing wreck as I try to get her to bed.
Lately I was proud of getting her to bed at around midnight, but I decided it actually kind of sucked to have her sleeping until noon. My final straw was three nights ago, I was up with her until nearly 1 AM again after she'd been going to bed very reliably around midnight. After being a sobbing puddle on the floor of her bedroom as she screamed, I decided I would do "sleep training."*
* not actually sleep training, by the socially accepted definition of such (cry it out).
It starts at about 9:30. I have Mike turn down the TV (he's usually playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 around this time) and I sit down to nurse her. After 30 minutes of nursing, we go into her nursery. I turn on her mobile and hum along with the music, usually for the entire 10 minutes the mobile is on. I gently lay her down once she's fast asleep and sneak out. If she wakes up, I come back in and repeat - rock her to sleep, lay her down once she's asleep. I repeat this process until it's been 30 minutes without a peep, then I go to bed myself.
The first night I had to go in and repeat the rocking three times. I was okay with this. She stopped crying as soon as I picked her up, so I didn't have the frustration of listening to her scream. This is, of course, what left me a sobbing puddle on the floor of her bedroom the night before. She was successfully asleep around 11 PM. She woke up at 8 AM (her "usual" time) but refused to go back to sleep even though she needed it. She ended up taking a very long nap around 4 PM- nearly two hours long, even though her usual is 30 minutes.
Last night I only had to go in once. I know this may not be how it is tonight, I may have to go in three or four or ten times. I am determined to make this work, though, for both of our sakes. She needs plenty of sleep, and I need to not be a sobbing wreck as I try to get her to bed.
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